My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
