Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
