Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Blood and glitter go together right?
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
