john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Randomize
