the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I'm determined to sit on that face.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
