Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
