i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
