I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
