maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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