Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
