i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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