i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
im holly from the hills drunk
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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