im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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