Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
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