Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Randomize
