____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize
