i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
