I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
