Who wears a wallet chain?!
This beer is not sobering me up at all
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
