some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
