Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
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