I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I just cut my nipple shaving
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
