Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
