I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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