Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
