did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Randomize
