ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
