it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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