Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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