I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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