Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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