there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Randomize
