I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Randomize
