Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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