1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
