Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
