Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
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