I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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