He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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