I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
