she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
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