Heybabeimwearingurpanties
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
