i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize