So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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