My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Randomize
