i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
