I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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