Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
