??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
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