why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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