god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
