The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
i've created a new STD.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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