New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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