Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
