D3 body, D1 cock
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Randomize
