I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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