Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
