I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
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