so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Randomize
