you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
