Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
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