Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
