____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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