went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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