well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Randomize
