does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
