he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
