Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
