Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize