I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
