Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I still have a little drunk in my system
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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