College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
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