Christians are straight up FREAKS
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Sober January is a disaster.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Randomize
