At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
