Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
