Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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